


we were sun-burned and shoeless kids

by thegoodyouth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, a lot of angst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, the angst was inspired by can't hold back by ymas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoodyouth/pseuds/thegoodyouth
Summary: Harry didn’t know how to explain the way his breathing hitched and his heart ached every time he saw Louis.Or: the AU where Harry is madly in love, and Louis just can't stay.





	we were sun-burned and shoeless kids

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SexyAsswoMan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexyAsswoMan/gifts).



> Loosely based on 'Summer Skeletons' by Radical Face, this is what a mixture of angst and fluff looks like.
> 
> Thank you to my angel, Amy (lowfuellight) for being the best beta ever and keeping me motivated enough to finish this.
> 
> The start of this fic is set in the early 80s; Harry is sixteen and Louis is seventeen.

It hadn’t always been the main thing on Harry’s mind, but recently, he couldn’t stop thinking about Louis. It didn’t seem all that odd, since the two of them practically spent every waking minute together, but he didn’t know how to explain the way his breathing hitched and his heart ached every time he saw him.

It was summer, and the pair of them had found a large patch of the woods, that looked more like a meadow than anything else, except that it had trees. Louis had insisted on climbing one of them, then making the rather foolish attempt at jumping from tree to tree.

In a plot twist that everyone had expected, Louis was down for the count after launching from just the first one. Harry had fallen over himself laughing, and found himself right next to Louis, smiling fondly at him.

“I told you that wouldn’t work,” he said.

Louis frowned. “I had everything planned out perfectly.” Evidently, he still couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong, but before he could say anything else, Harry was already on his feet and was offering him his hand.

“Come on, mate,” he gestured to Louis, who quickly latched himself to the other’s hand and pulled himself back on his feet - and then just decided to hold on.

He was looking down at their joined hands, his mouth slightly open.

“Um,” Harry muttered, eyes half-lidded, as he tried to keep from reacting to the softness of Louis’ skin.

This wasn’t the first time he’d felt something when he got too close to Louis, but this was definitely the first time it actually meant something.

His eyes drifted to his friend, who was standing a lot closer now, with his eyes closed. Either he was having a revelation of some sort, or something was wrong with him. “Louis? You okay?”

This series of questioning caused Louis to jerk out of his revery, and he went running - after throwing out a quick, “I need to go”.

*

“Louis, you just ran off yesterday…?” was the first thing Harry said when he saw his best friend the next day, veering the statement off into a question at the end.

“Yeah, uh, sorry, I just remembered something…” He trailed off, eyes flickering to Harry’s lips, before they quickly skittered sideways. There was something going on behind those eyes, and Harry would find out one way or another.

“Mate, eventually you’re going to tell me, so might as well make it sooner rather than later.”

They were sitting at opposite ends of Harry’s bed, and Louis kept fidgeting with the bedsheet, clearly in a state of wild anxiety. “It’s nothing, just…” Hesitatingly, he moved closer and put a hand on Harry’s cheek, before slowly leaning in and closing the gap between their lips.

At first, Harry didn’t react at all.

A moment later, he had moved away and was staring wide-eyed at Louis. “What…?”

“I just wanted to see what it was like,” Louis wouldn’t meet his eyes, and Harry got the feeling there was more to it.

“What if I tell you I’ve thought of it, too?” Harry asked, quietly, poking a hole in the already frayed seams of his bed. “And that I would like to do it again? Properly this time?” Why he was phrasing everything as a question, Harry didn’t know, but he found himself almost longing to make up for the time they’d lost, and the time they had yet to lose.

Louis stared at him for a minute, a little bit longer, before he closed the gap between them once more and found Harry’s lips again.

It was like falling into the ocean Louis had rescued him from when they were nine years old; everything ran through his head, as the yearning grew deeper. Now that they were kissing, the longing was growing, and he needed Louis closer, as close as it was physically possible to be.

“Louis…” he breathed out, when there was some space for him to think, when they finally broke apart.

The other boy pulled away and looked at him; Louis looked at Harry like he had the stars in his eyes, and Harry felt himself opening up for all the world to see.

“I love you,” Harry said quietly, insistently, as if he wanted to make sure Louis knew there was no doubt in his mind about this. “I love you,” he repeated. “I think I’ve always loved you.”

At a glance, perhaps, this was all going way too fast, but Harry thought otherwise: this had been building up for years. He didn’t know when it had happened, but he had fallen in love with his best friend without knowing, and without realising the implications.

Love for him had always been easy, and now it was proving to be kind, as well.

Louis, in response, simply pulled him back in and kissed him deeply.

*

It was hours before Louis finally went home.

They spent almost every waking minute with each other, so neither of them was worried about Harry’s parents, but it still seemed like a good idea to not push their luck.

Harry lay quietly in his bed, a content smile firmly on his face, when his mother finally knocked on his door and entered.

“Louis finally went home?” She asked, as she sat down and ruffled Harry’s hair. “He’s a good influence on you, you know,” she continued, once she’d interpreted her son’s head movements as a nod. “He’s going off to London next year, I heard it from his ma. He’ll make her proud.” She smiled, obviously envisioning her own son doing the same in two years time.

At the sound of this, Harry jolted upright. “What?” This was the first he was hearing of this, and he was already losing his mind.

“He didn’t tell you? Oh, never mind, I’m sure he just forgot,” Anne chuckled. “Lord knows what you boys get up to, it probably just slipped his mind.”

Harry flushed at the words, suddenly feeling guilty.

“Oh, now, don’t get upset, honey,” she said, clearly misreading his expression. “You’ll still be friends no matter what, I know it.” She pulled him closer into a hug, and Harry resolved to ask Louis where they stood, the first chance he got.

Maybe it was just a kiss, and it meant nothing else to Louis. The thought had the corners of Harry’s lips dipping even more, but he was determined to keep it from showing.

*

As luck would have it, he didn’t see Louis for a few days. It was awful, and Harry could feel a strange itch under his skin the whole time. It felt like he desperately needed to get away while staying in the exact same place. He just needed to run for hours until no one could find him.

These thoughts were shocking to Harry himself - he had always been optimistic to a fault, so this was definitely a first.

When he finally spoke to Louis, it helped soothe some of his fears and worries, but it also raised more concerns that kept scratching at the back of his throat, desperately trying to escape.

“Louis, why didn’t you tell me about London?” He’d said - direct and unwavering.

They were lying next to each other, out on the grass of the nearby park. They weren’t touching, and Harry was grateful for that; it was too open, too public, and neither of them could risk being caught. It made something ache deep inside of Harry, but he had long since learnt to rein his emotions in - the first time his father had stared at him sternly and told him he would make him proud by marrying a ‘fine woman’ from a good family.

He had been thirteen years old.

“I was going to tell you…” began Louis, before abruptly stopping and swallowing heavily.

“Don’t tell me it slipped your mind,” Harry interrupted, voice full of ice to hide the hurt.

Louis moved his hand an inch closer to Harry, almost touching but not quite. “That’s not it,” he said, pausing to fidget his jumper with the other hand. “I just didn’t want to make you sad. Like you are now.” He stared at Harry, imploring him to understand, but not explaining what he needed for him to understand.

“You’re going to London, and you didn’t think to tell me before we...we…” he stopped, abruptly. “What are we?” The question came out of nowhere, slamming into Harry’s chest as he finally realised Louis might not feel the same way. After all, he was the one who had professed love, not Louis. “Does this even mean anything to you?”

“Of course it does!” Louis exclaimed, almost rising to his feet but then falling back on his elbows at the last second. “Of course I do,” he repeated, more calmly. “Why would you even think that? Me leaving isn’t going to change anything between us, you know.”

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. “How exactly are we going to keep in touch when you’re on the other side of the country?”

“We’ll figure it out,” came the reply. “Besides, there’s still a whole year left. I’m not leaving until I’m eighteen, you know that.”

Nodding his head, Harry didn’t mention that there was less than a year left before Louis came of age and went off on whatever adventures he was keen on having without Harry around to bother him.

*

The day of Louis’ departure arrived a lot sooner than either of them had anticipated. Before they knew it, bags were being packed and the train ticket was being confirmed. Everything was suddenly becoming a bit too real.

The two of them had spent the past couple of months together in a desperate attempt to conserve their relationship for the future separation. As things stood, they had promised each other to do everything in their power to keep in touch and keep everything exactly the same.

It didn’t make Harry feel any less alone.

Despite the fact that they had both been living in the same town since the day they were born, everything suddenly seemed so unfamiliar and like he had never seen it before, and Louis hadn’t even left yet.

“Okay, that’s everything packed, then!” Louis declared, cheerily. He was smiling and his eyes were shining. It made that something inside Harry ache again. He would never admit it - not even to himself - but he didn’t want Louis to be happy without him.

“Sure you got everything, love?” Louis’ mother asked, standing next to his son and smiling down at him with pride in her eyes. It made Harry feel ashamed, and he found himself forcing a smile before anyone could notice his glum mood.

“What time’s your train?” Harry asked, despite the fact that he had memorised the entire train timetable. It didn’t help to stand there, looking like he was about to cry.

“In an hour’s time. Plenty of time for us to muck about one last time,” Louis grinned at Harry, clearly intending to make him smile, but the humour was lost on him. “Come on, man, let’s get out of here for a while...you okay with that, Mum?” He inclined his head towards the woman standing beside him, and at her nod, he immediately grabbed onto Harry’s arm and dragged him outside.

“You’re upset with me,” was the first thing Louis said once they were outside and out of earshot. Harry should’ve known - they were attuned to each other’s emotions like radio airwaves. “We’ve talked about this, Harry, and I promise nothing’s going to change, yeah?” He turned them around once they reached the shade of the woods. “I can try and prove it to you, if you like,” he said, eyebrows raised.

Harry raised his eyebrows in response; a challenge.

Louis quickly backed Harry up against a tree and locked their lips together. His weight was keeping Harry steady, keeping the kiss going with an intensity that had both their eyes rolling. Harry settled his hands on Louis’ shoulders and let himself take whatever he could get.

An hour later found them lying on the ground - once again - but this time, they were holding hands, with tears in their eyes. Gently, Louis disentangled their hands and wiped Harry’s cheeks. “I’m going to miss my train,” he said, glumly.

Harry felt it would be selfish to say he was okay with that.

*

“This is it, then. I’ll speak to you on the other side,” Louis said, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the train.

He was standing directly in front of Harry, wishing he could kiss him goodbye. Instead, he pulled him in for a hug. “I promise this won’t change.” He let go and smiled, before turning to go.

“Have a safe journey, Lou,” Harry called out, at the last minute, as the train finally started to move and he got his final glimpse of Louis.

*

“Harry, mate, get up already!”

It was Sunday morning, but more importantly, it was Harry’s 27th birthday - which was why he felt he deserved to stay in bed for however long he wanted to.

However, his flatmate, Niall, clearly had other ideas. “It’s your birthday, and we’re not celebrating it here in this place.” He made a wrinkled face in apparent disgust at everything they still hadn’t cleaned up.

Rolling over, Harry squinted up at Niall with one eye open. “You also live here, you know,” he said, voice raspy from sleep still clogging his throat. “We can have a small birthday party with just me and you,” he added, a hopeful expression emerging onto his face. Maybe if he could convince Niall, he could spend the rest of the day moping around his room.

“No way, man. Get up now or I’m moving out,” he said in reply, and swiftly walked out the room before Harry could get the last word in.

“And get dressed properly!”

Groaning, Harry fell back on the bed. He would have to get up now - there was no telling how honest Niall had been about his threat this time.

*

“So, where are we going, exactly?”

This had been Harry’s constant question for the past fifteen minutes, but Niall still refused to let him in on the secret. He was rather determined to give him a surprise. That did not sound like good news to Harry.

“You’ll find out when we get there,” Niall grunted in response. Luckily, they didn’t have much longer to wait, as five minutes later, Niall was pulling up in front of a lavish restaurant.

“Uh...Niall? What are we doing here?” The place definitely looked way too fancy for either of their tastes. It also looked like it would fit a lot more people than Harry even knew.

“Mate, you’re a dentist. In London. Do you know what that means?”

“No cavities?”

“Well, yeah, but it also means a lot of people like you and respect you,” he said. It wasn’t what Harry had expected, but he didn’t know why he was so surprised - attaching a couple of letters to your name usually meant people were fighting to get in your good books.

Regardless, he had always considered himself to be a rather unknown entity. Clearly, from the amount of people he could see from the windows, he was wrong.

“Shall we?” Niall asked, a hand already on his car door, which he opened the minute Harry gave him a nod. Harry, realising he had no other choice, looked down at his clothes to make sure they were still adequate, and followed Niall to the restaurant’s door

“This is…” He trailed off, as a chorus of people suddenly started yelling and singing “Happy birthday” at his appearance. Inside, it was evident that the entire place had been booked just for this one party. It was overwhelming for someone who’s weekend activities mostly just consisted of watching reruns of the same shows over and over again. Needless to say, he appreciated it.

He would have to find a way to thank Niall later.

Harry walked around, trying to greet as many people as he could. There were a lot of people he had never even met, and he was certain he would never see them again. If he did, it would be rather awkward, because he forgot each person’s name as soon as he was introduced to them.

“Harry, come here, I’d like you to meet a really good friend of mine,” said a voice from somewhere behind him. Turning his head, Harry managed to identify the source as Liam Payne, someone he actually knew and worked with. It was a relief. “Yeah, man, I’ll be right there.” He politely excused himself from the couple he’d been talking to and, with evident relief, made his way over to his colleague.

“This is Louis Tomlinson, and his fiancé, Eleanor Calder,” Liam said with a flourish, before turning back to Harry. “And this is Harry Styles, the man of the hour.”

Harry would think back to this moment for as long as he lived. He would compare it to every time he fell ill and every time he got anxious enough to feel nauseous. He would search high and low, but he was certain he would never again feel the world tilt forwards and downwards the way it did when he realised he had just been introduced to Louis.

The obvious expression on Louis’ face was clearly reflecting his own, and it made Harry feel even more anxious.

“Um, Louis! Good to see you again,” he nodded, breaking the awkward silence. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” It finally occurred to him that of course Louis was still living in London. The fact that he hadn’t kept in touch didn’t mean he’d moved away or - as Harry sometimes told himself to feel better - simply fallen off the edge of the planet.

“You two know each other?” Liam asked, eyebrows raised. There was clear disbelief in his voice, and oddly enough, it grated on Harry’s nerves.

“Yeah, we grew up in the same town,” replied Louis, when it became evident that Harry wasn’t about to speak up. “We haven’t seen each other in...what was it again? Ever since I moved to London.”

“Ten years,” Harry supplied, quietly. He was doing his best to keep his emotions from showing on his face. He had never been all that good at that - not as good as Louis, anyways.

“Oh, blimey, that’s a long time! I expect you’d want to catch up, then, I’ll leave you to it.” And with that, Liam stalked off to, what Harry imagined as, the deepest pit of Hell.

At least, that’s what he hoped.

“I…” Harry started, before trailing off. He was suddenly conscious of the fact that Louis’ fiancé, Eleanor, hadn’t said a word. “So, when are you two getting married?” It was the last thing he wanted to know, but he still found himself asking. For all he knew, he was a closet masochist as well as literally being in the closet.

“We still haven’t set the date,” came Eleanor’s reply.

Harry couldn’t help admiring her. She was beautiful, and her voice gave her a softness he hadn’t been expecting. He wanted to hate her, but he found himself quickly warming up to her as they quietly exchanged pleasantries. 

He had been about to leave when someone caught his sleeve. It was Louis.

“Hey, man, it was really good seeing you again! Drop me your number so we can get together again?” The words were said casually, and Harry forced himself to remember that Louis was not insinuating anything, even though that’s exactly what it sounded like. He wanted to hang out, not abandon his fiancé and start dating Harry again.

“Sure,” he finally replied, after what felt like a terrible stretch of silence.

He was definitely going to regret this.

*

He was definitely regretting it.

Leaving the party after his encounter with Louis hadn’t been all that difficult - the cake had already been cut and everyone was halfway to drunk. His protests of illness or just general exhaustion went completely amiss as everyone lazily waved at him. It oddly felt like time had stopped. If only he could rewind the clock back ten years.

His phone started ringing as soon as he reached the flat, almost as if there was a tracker stuck on him. Foolishly, he slapped the back of his neck, just in case it was in the most obvious of places.

“Hello,” he muttered into the phone, while simultaneously trying to fumble for his keys.

“Hey, Harry!” He dropped his keys.

“Louis...we just saw each other.” He retrieved the keys from the ground and successfully managed to twist the lock open. He silently whooped his victory, before remembering he was on the phone. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself.

“What? Listen, man, we haven’t seen each other in ten years and I...I miss you,” Louis said, his voice quiet. The words made Harry tremble, and he found himself clutching a chair for support.

“And whose fault is that?” The words came tumbling out, despite his desperate attempts to keep them hidden. “I called and I wrote you but you were always so busy.” He didn’t mention the broken promises that had littered Louis’ departure. He didn’t want to make this any more painful than it already was.

There was a long silence on the other side.

“Look, forget about it. We can meet tomorrow after work if you want.” Harry was talking quickly, in an obvious attempt to cover up his previous words. Thankfully, it appeared to be working.

“That sounds good. See you then, I guess?” Louis’ voice was hesitant, as if he was testing the waters to keep himself from making a big splash. Harry wanted to slam the phone on him, but unfortunately, he wasn’t using a landline.

The truth was, Harry still wasn’t over Louis. It seemed ridiculous, because they had been together for barely a year before Louis’ departure separated them in a way nothing else could. The truth was, Harry had spent the first seventeen years of his life slowly falling in love with Louis. It wasn’t easy for him to just move on with his life; not when acknowledging his feelings for his best friend had gone hand in hand with acknowledging his sexuality.

“See you then,” he parroted back at the phone, before quickly disconnecting the call. He really did not know what was going to happen the next day. Maybe it would be better if a natural disaster took them all out before then.

*

Leaving work on a Monday afternoon was a bigger hassle than Harry liked to admit. Some of his patients were overzealous and liked to hound him if they ever saw him leaving through the main door. It was a rather bizarre occurrence - he was a dentist, not some sort of glorified celebrity.

“I will get back to you, we have a scheduled appointment for next month,” he said to the woman standing in front of him, vigorously nodding his head in an attempt to indicate that the conversation was over.

He blamed Niall for this; he spent all day singing in bars and talking about “my best friend, Harry”. That’s what he told Harry, anyways, but he wasn’t sure how much of it to believe, since he’d never said a word whenever Harry was in attendance at one of his shows.

Finally making his way out the door, Harry was surprised to see Louis casually reclining against a lamp post. “How do you know where I work?” He asked, an eyebrow raised to indicate his confusion.

“Liam,” Louis replied, as if that answered all his questions. Which it did.

“Oh. Well...shall we?” All of a sudden, Harry felt timid. It was an alien feeling for him, and it only made him feel even more out of place. This was, without a doubt, the most bizarre thing to ever happen to him. People did not tend to run into their long lost best friends and lovers after an entire decade of no contact.

They walked in silence for a while, before Louis finally seemed to crack. “Listen, I...I wanted to apologise for...well, for everything,” he shrugged as a last ditch attempt to indicate the past ten years. The apology didn’t work, something that was clear to Louis from the way the corners of Harry’s lips remained turned down.

They were in public, so it wasn’t as if Harry could say everything he wanted to say. There was absolutely no way he was about to give Louis a speech about the importance of love and learning to be comfortable about being gay. He was definitely not going to mention the time when Harry had told Louis he was in love with him.

“You okay with this?” He asked, suddenly, indicating a coffee shop on their left. When Louis gave him a firm - but confused - nod, Harry quickly seated himself on the nearest table and waited for Louis to sit down on the chair opposite him.

Once they were both sitting, Harry leaned slightly forward. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?” He quirked an eyebrow, letting his annoyance radiate off him in waves. “If we’re about to rehash the old scores, there’s a lot more I could say that you won’t like.”

He hadn’t meant to go on the offense, but here he was, doing just that.

There was a stunned look on Louis’ face that he didn’t think deserved to be there - not because he felt any sympathy for the man, but because he was still angry. He was angry that once Louis had left, he hadn’t stayed away; he was angry that he’d come back.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else,” Louis said, quietly. It was obvious, from the way he kept shooting glances around at their surroundings, that he was incredibly uncomfortable talking to him in public. “My place, if you want, or…” The “your place” was insinuated, but obviously Louis didn’t want to invite himself to Harry’s place without any indication from the other man.

The idea of invading each other’s space sent a shiver through Harry’s system, and he also knew it would mean laying out the past ten years for both of them to look at. Then Louis would tell him to move on and walk out. Facing rejection from the same person twice wasn’t something Harry thought he could handle.

“Some other day, maybe? Let’s get some coffee first,” he replied, with an attempt to inject a bit of excitement back into his voice.

“Sure, yeah,” Louis nodded, a hesitant smile on his lips.

Ordering their drinks took them another ten minutes - a cappuccino for Harry, an espresso for Louis - and then it was back to another awkward silence. Harry was starting to think this was a terribly bad idea. “So…” They both said at the same time, before Harry nodded to let Louis go first.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“I’m seeing you right now,” Harry said, mock humour present on his face. He wished the coffee would get here already, so he would have something to hide his face behind.

“Haha, very funny. I mean like...dating, you know,” shrugged Louis. “Niall said you haven’t really...been in a relationship for years.”

It was true, and that’s what stung at Harry the most - that it was true. He didn’t know if it was because he was still hung up on Louis or if he had tried finding the same kind of connection with someone else and failed, but anything more than casual sex had been too hard to stomach.

“You know Niall?” He asked, instead of voicing his thoughts. How many more of his friends knew Louis and had somehow failed to introduce them until now?

“Yeah, we met when he played at the university where I teach about two years ago,” he said, dismissively. “You’re not answering the question.” He added, staring intently at Harry.

Just then, their drinks arrived and it gave Harry a moment of distraction. Of course, he knew it was short lived.

“Well?” Louis asked, once their waiter was gone.

Harry was starting to resent the man sitting in front of him. “I’m gay, Louis,” he said, quietly. “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you.” He had meant the words to hurt, and to his grim satisfaction, they had the desired effect.

“That’s not what I-”

“I don’t know why you asked to meet up if this was all you wanted to talk about,” Harry interrupted, before draining his cup and dropping the appropriate change on the table. “I’m leaving. Call me when there’s something else you need to chat about.” With that, Harry got up from his seat and left the coffee shop, breathing heavily.

*

He found himself mentioning it to Niall.

“Why did you tell Louis about my love life?”

Clearly, that wasn’t what Niall had been expecting, as he did a spit take of his beer. “Ugh, gross.” He wiped it down with a nearby tissue, before turning his attention on Harry. “I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he shrugged.

“Of course it’s a big deal! I only just met the guy and you’re already talking about me to him,” he said, exasperated. He was leaning on the sofa, so it was easy to tip his head back and just stare at the ceiling.

“I thought you’d known each other since you were kids,” said Niall, with a frown on his face.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t even know he was still alive,” Harry replied with a dark look on his face, taking a sip of his drink. He knew he needed to talk to Louis and clear the air soon, or they would spend every encounter with hostility. 

It was either that or breaking off all contact with him. Harry wasn’t sure if he could do that again - or if it would even be possible, now that they had been reintroduced and all of Harry’s friends seemed to know him.

“I’m calling it a night,” he muttered, before abandoning his beer and making his way to his room. He crawled into bed and was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.

*

It was Sunday again.

“Harry, man, get up!”

Stirring from deep sleep, Harry felt like he was experiencing déjà vu; this was exactly how Niall had woken him up the day of his birthday, a week ago.

“What?” He groaned, as his ears caught onto noise coming from outside. He figured Niall had some friends over, but Harry didn’t know what that had to do with him and why he needed to get out of bed.

“Louis’ here to see you!” He shouted back.

Harry froze, just as he’d been about to stretch his tired muscles. What was Louis doing here and why was he here so early? There had been radio silence between the two of them, ever since Harry had left him sitting alone at the coffee shop.

Curiosity and anticipation getting the best of him, he found himself hurrying out of bed and quickly going through his morning routine to at least look semi-presentable.

“Hey,” came a soft voice as soon as he emerged into the living room. Louis was dressed casual, but the hesitant smile on his lips were doing funny things to Harry’s insides.

“I’ll be going then! Got a recording to get to,” said Niall, making his way out the door and shutting it behind him. The sound it made felt like the final nail into his coffin. There was no escaping this conversation now. It was terrifying.

“Uh, want me to get you something? Beer?” Harry said, breaking the awkward silence. He was gesturing vaguely at the sofa, imploring Louis to sit down.

Neither of them wanted the beer, and soon they were sitting both empty-handed. Harry raised the question that was most prevalent in his mind. “What are you doing here?” It wasn’t the most important question he needed to ask Louis, but it was definitely the most urgent one.

“I broke up with Eleanor,” came the reply, and it slammed into Harry with the force of a truck. It hurt, and immediately his hands began to shake.

“Y...you what? Is this because of me?” He asked, eyes wide and a terrified expression painting his features. The last thing he wanted - needed - was to cause someone else’s heartbreak.

“No, Harry, that’s not…” He trailed off, a frown clear on his face. “When El and I started dating, we promised each other something: the minute either of us started having second thoughts about our relationship, we would talk about it,” he said, shrugging one shoulder. “So, we talked about it.”

“Okay. So, why are you telling me this?” He imitated Louis’ shrug, trying to act casual, but his breathing kept hitching every two seconds. It felt like he had to pull the string of information out of Louis, one question at a time.

“The reason...we broke up was...well, you,” he replied, an odd look on his face. “I don’t think I ever got over you, Harry.” 

Something about that confession had a calming effect on Harry, and he found himself breathing more freely. At least he hadn’t suffered alone. “If that’s true, then why did you just...leave me hanging?”

“Because I was scared!” Louis threw his hands about in exasperation. “Everything was so new and I was scared of what we were doing, the way you made me feel, and I was mostly scared of hurting you,” he chuckled. “Guess that fear wasn’t totally irrational.”

“You don’t think I was scared?” Harry asked, quietly. “I was stuck in that place and you got to come here, away from everything. Away from me.”

“That’s not fair, Harry,” Louis said, looking slightly angry. When Harry didn’t say anything in reply, he sighed and looked completely lost for a second. “I’m sorry. I would understand if you never want to see me again, but I was hoping we could...give this,” he gestured between them, “another chance.”

Harry didn’t know what to say.

The truth was, he wanted so desperately to forgive him, but another part - the rational part - told him that wasn’t the right thing to do.

“Louis, I think you should leave,” he finally said, staring at the floor. There was something fascinating about the way Louis’ breath hitched, and he found himself turning his head to stare at him.

“Harry, I-”

“You didn’t seriously expect to come here, tell me you’d broken your engagement and get back together with me?” He stared at Louis, disbelievingly. The expression on his face clearly showed that that was exactly what he’d thought. Harry scoffed.

“Just go, Louis,” he repeated, trying to keep his voice from breaking at the last second, but he wasn’t sure how successful he was. He looked back down at the floor, until he heard the soft click of the door, sealing him back inside, this time alone.

*

It was a shame the next day was once again a Monday, because Harry wanted nothing more than to curl up and go back to sleep when he heard his alarm go off.

He hadn’t slept all night, so it was with a tired groan that he finally pulled himself out of bed. He felt worse than that time he had spent all night drinking alone, only to wake up sprawled out on the living room floor. Niall had said he’d tried to wake him up.

As soon as got to the clinic, things started to feel normal; maybe if he kept this up, he could permanently erase the previous day’s events.

Louis didn’t try to contact him all morning, and there was that familiar, old ache back in his chest, letting him know he’d lost the other man for the second time in his life. He was still standing, however, and maybe that’s what he needed to keep reminding himself of.

After a few hours, when Harry was starting to think about lunch, the peace and quiet was shattered as the phone in his office started ringing. “Hello, Styles speaking,” he said, smoothly. His professional voice always seemed to grow deeper, but he wasn’t sure why. His friends had mentioned it to him once, and it had left him perplexed.

“Am I supposed to introduce myself as ‘Tomlinson’?” Said the familiar voice, an amused tilt to the words.

Sighing, Harry almost hung up on him. “Louis, what do you want?” Talking to Louis was the last thing he wanted to do just then.

“Have you...thought any more about what I said yesterday?” Came the timid response.

“I already gave you your answer, Louis. I don’t want to talk about this,” replied Harry, gritting his teeth. He would need to find out how Louis came to have his office number. It wasn’t his responsibility to fix whatever this was, and he didn’t want to, either.

“I know, but-”

“I’m at work, I’ll talk to you later,” he said, and without waiting for a response, he hung up on Louis. It was a bit more satisfying now that he had the ability to slam a receiver on him.

*

Over the next few days, Louis kept trying to get in contact with him, even with the strangest excuses he had ever heard. One morning - two days after the first phone call - he found Louis waiting for him at the door of the clinic, with an apparent toothache in tow.

“What? Are you just going to ignore me like this?”

“Louis, go home,” replied Harry, with a suffering sigh, and pushed past him. This was just getting ridiculous.

*

The truth was, Harry really did want to forgive Louis, but it felt like such a drastic step to take, that he found himself pulling back at the last second.

Harry entered his flat later that day, after work, and was surprised to find Niall sitting in wait for him.

“You’re home early,” said Harry, raising his eyebrows. “Well, you’re home, anyways.” He took off his coat and stretched, feeling as several of his muscles protested at the exercise after hours of sitting tense.

“I was just on the phone with Louis,” came the reply, halting Harry’s movements in midair.

“...Oh,” he said, softly, letting his hands fall down to his side. “I didn’t realise you two were close.”

“We’re not, not really, but somebody’s got to sort this mess out,” Niall grunted, gripping a beer Harry was quite certain he hadn’t had just a second ago. “I know you, Harry, and I know you’re still in love with Louis.”

Straight to the point, then.

“That’s not...I...how did you know that?” Harry felt flustered. He had never mentioned this to anyone but Louis, and now suddenly everyone in his life was aware. “It doesn’t...bother you?”

To Niall’s credit, he simply snorted and rolled his eyes. “I’m a musician, Harry. That means I see worse shit all the time.” He gulped down some beer before continuing in a softer tone. “Besides, you’re my best friend.”

Harry felt like he needed a good cry, but he still had the Louis issue to deal with. Grateful to have Niall in his life, but also irritated by the whole situation, Harry dropped down on the sofa, looking morose for all the world to see. “I don’t know if I should forgive him,” he muttered, barely loud enough for Niall to hear.

“You know what I think? You need to stop beating yourself up over this.” Harry turned his head, and saw Niall looking at him with an oddly stern expression. “Shit happened, so what? Shit happens all the time, and you,” he jabbed a finger at Harry, “need to get over it.”

“I don’t know how to,” replied Harry in an exasperated tone. “How do I know it won’t happen again?”

Niall looked like he really wanted to smash the bottle in his hands. “You don’t, but that’s what trust is about. You need to decide whether or not you trust Louis.”

Frowning, Harry opened his mouth to reply, but closed it a moment later. He felt mildly ashamed that he hadn’t even thought about that. The whole time, Harry had been obsessing over the fact that if Louis hadn’t stayed the first time, what would make him stay the second time? He was still Harry, and he couldn’t change himself, no matter what.

“Oh,” he repeated from earlier, only softer this time. “I do trust him.” He blinked at Niall, who was slowly breaking into a grin.

“Told you it wasn’t that hard,” he said, chuckling to himself.

Harry really needed to find a way to thank Niall for everything he had done for him.

*

Getting hold of Louis’ address hadn’t been that hard - Niall had it memorised - but Harry still stopped in front of the door for a full minute, just in case it was the wrong place; he had a fully formed excuse ready in his head.

When he realised he couldn’t stall anymore, Harry finally rang the doorbell.

“Hey,” Louis answered the door, looking startled. “You’re...here.” His look of surprise left Harry miffed; he didn’t feel like he’d been unjustly rejecting Louis’ advances, but he certainly could’ve been kinder about it.

“Can I, uh, come in?” He asked, timidly.

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Louis realised he had been gawking at Harry, as he quickly closed his mouth and stepped aside to let him in. They made their way to the main living room. “What can I get you? Water? Milk? Beer? Tea?” He was listing everything he thought he had in the fridge.

“Nothing, I’m fine. I’m just here to talk,” replied Harry, glancing around at the room. It was quaint, and he immediately decided he liked it. Without asking for permission, Harry carefully sat down on the sofa and gestured at Louis to take the seat next to him.

Once Louis was sitting, Harry look a deep breath before speaking. “I forgive you,” he said, simply. It felt like the longest sentence he had ever constructed. When he saw that Louis was about to say something, he rushed on. “This whole thing was my fault, too, and I’m sorry. I was hurt - and I’m still hurt - but I’m not angry anymore.” There was a confused expression on Louis’ face that Harry desperately wanted to get rid of. “I guess what I’m trying to say is: I trust you.” He said it quiet, as if afraid someone else might hear.

“Oh,” came the soft reply, as comprehension finally dawned on Louis’ face. “Oh. Harry, I’m so happy to hear that.” It was awkward and clumsy, but Louis found himself reaching out to Harry, pulling him closer, reeling him in.

He put his forehead against Harry’s and just let them both breath. Hesitating for only half a second, Harry placed his hands on Louis’ shoulders, finding his safe harbour.

“We’re going to be okay,” Louis whispered, before he was pushing Harry back into the sofa and joining their lips. The kiss started small - giving Harry the opportunity to pull away if he wanted to - until it slowly started increasing in intensity, and left them both breathless.

Harry finally broke away and sucked in a breath, but refused to let Louis go. “I can’t believe this is finally happening,” he said, voice wobbly. He was staring at Louis like he had never seen him before.

“I wanted to tell you,” Louis said, “I love you too.”

Harry’s face was suddenly split with a wide, genuine smile, and he pulled Louis back onto him, savouring another kiss.

They had both finally come back home.


End file.
